You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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