Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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