it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
