Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
