apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
