So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
