I want to make a zoo with you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
