New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
