Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
