I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
