ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
