I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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