The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
