you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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