There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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