remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
