The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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