Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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