totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
