I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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