home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
