Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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