dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
