I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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