i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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