birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
