so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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