i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
