Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
