And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
