i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
