my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
