Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
