some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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