you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't motorboat a personality
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
