I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
