omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
