In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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