capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
