With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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