It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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