This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
