I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
