No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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