We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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