I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
