My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize