We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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