just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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