my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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