hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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