He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
