the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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