Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
