Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
