You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
