She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
