I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
