I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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