my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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