He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
