You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
