fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
