do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
