Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
