I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
