His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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