I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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