My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
