we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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