Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
