Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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