I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
